.:*Mommy's T-Shirt*:.

This letter was one I wrote to Dominic and read at his service in New York, May 12th, 2007

He was 1month 1week and 3days old

My beautiful Dominic,

It has now been almost a month and a half since I last held your fragile body in my arms so tight. At times I find myself cradling thin air as if you were there. I make sure to hold my arm up so that your head would have the proper support. Then I realize that you are not there and you won't ever be until I, too, join you in heaven. I should've been holding you this way during the long hours I would've spent getting you to sleep. I can still feel all of your 7lbs 4.2oz in the bend of my arm. We should've had countless sleepless nights together as you woke with a hungry belly or even a stinky diaper. To hear you cry as that cold, wet wipey touched your little butt would've made me upset at the time, but now, good times and what most parents call bad times, are my fantasies and my dreams. What I wouldn't give to have to drive with the music down low so you could sleep sweet dreams. What I wouldn't give to have to take you out of a restaurant because your cries were disturbing others around us. Instead, every morning and before I go to bed, when most parents are kissing the warmth of their childrens skin and tucking them in at night after reading them their favorite bed time story, I kiss your little urn and hope and wish on a star that you are okay and that you know Mommy and Daddy love you. I can't describe these feelings. I feel happy to be your mother, but so incredibly sad and weakened to know you aren't physically here. How did this happen? How could God allow you my body to grow and give me 9 months to prepare... and all for what? I am your mother and if it had to be this way, I'm happy it was me. I'm happy you chose Mommy, Dominic. Sometimes I am filled with anger that feels like a surging storm of thunder pulsing through my veins. I scream out your beautiful name in agony. I don't know what else to do. My hands long to touch you and trace over your velvety skin. My lips crave your kisses. I don't sleep anymore. I lay wide awake in hopes that you might just appear before my eyes, but it hasn't happened yet. From day one, even before we knew you were a boy, I would tell people you would be my angel baby. At nineteen weeks and five days, we discovered God granted us a little boy. You then became not just our angel baby... but our angel boy, Dominic Anthony Collaso. On that same day, I remember calling everyone in my address book to share the news of your upcoming arrival. I came across Mimi, your grandmother. I said "Hey Ma, can I tell you something?" "Yeah go ahead, hun, I'm working" she replied. In much excitement I then said "Well, It's a boy!" and for about a good five minutes after those three important words sprung out of my mouth, I held the phone about 2 feet from my ear to at least preserve my hearing:). That's just how it was. You were so happily anticipated and all of us down here on earth would've given you a great life, but now I have to accept that God has given you better. My son, you are what people hope to become when their time here has run out. God has blessed you with little wings so strong and a heart so innocent. You won't ever live in the harsh realities of this world. I pray you wake up and see rainbows and birds flying freely just as you do. I pray you have little angel friends to keep you company. You will know no hate, only love and for that I am grateful. So while Mommy is still here and you, my darling, so high in heaven, please follow a few small favors. I would like you to watch over us all especially Jameson. He is the only baby that has made it into this world after three pregnancies within our family. If for some reason he ever feels lonely or sad, wrap those strong wings of yours ever so gently around him to let him know you are near. Keep Gram safe and let Art know Aunt Ellen is doing just fine. Please talk to God and ask him to throw a little more strength Mimi's way to get her through rough times. Always know your uncles love you. Uncle Ryan had big plans for you. He was going to be the first one to introduce the world of chicken wings to you. At three months he was going to take you to the toy store to pick out something you wanted with complete faith you would be able to tell the difference between a set of wipies or a toy truck. This trip was not to include Mommy :), just the boys. Leland kept telling me "Don't worry, Dominic is in a better place" and that I know. As for me, Dominic, you are of me and you were born mine. You grew withing me for what were the most cherished 37 weeks of my life. I can promise you I drove Daddy insane with every new box of yours I opened and just threw on the floor for him to throw out. Yes, you are with God now, but you are my son and you will remain my beautiful baby boy until the stars fall from the sky. For those months that I got to know you I fell more deeply in love with every second of every minute that passed by. You are exquisite and without fault. Even your big hands and crooked toes that most people would see as imperfections make you astonishing.My darling, I don't have to worry about how I should say goodbye because I'm not going to. You are forever with me and in my heart. Don't weep for me. Although it seems impossible, I know time will bring us to a point where I can function. Everday that passes is one less I have to wait until I see you again. We'll play baseball and go fishing and do all the little boy things we're missing out on. Tomorrow is Mother's Day and I know that on whichever cloud you sit, you are looking down upon me and saying "Happy Mother's Day, Mommy". It just so much, son. How do I go on? How do I live each day without you? I am YOUR mother and I am not satisfied with just the thought of you, but I am not angry with God for having you. He chose me to carry you and bring existence to one of his angels. As you sit with my father and Art in heaven, I know you're okay. So go now, my beautiful, and become everything I know you can be. On all of your journeys, I am with you. Though I may not hold your hand, I hold your heart and the sweet memory of the sound of it beating. On a dark day that even an angel like you might have, call on Mommy and I will forever answer. You and I are one. I'm here if ever you fall short and are unable to find the way. Rest your body and soul, now, son and let Mommy do the hard work. For I live for you now. You are my strength when I feel weak and the wind to carry me above all other after I have fallen so low. My heart, my love, go with God. Learn, laugh, and most importantly, LOVE with Him. May your hands touch the smoothest of surfaces and your little feet walk the simplest of roads. For I know every inch of your body and every wrinkle of your skin. Mommy and Daddy will love you for all eternity. I am with you as you are with me. You are the flowers that bloom beneath the warm blanket of the sun and the cool breeze that whistles through the leaves. You are in the smile of every child and the tears of every family that loses someone they love. So until the day we meet again and I hold you so tight, rest easy, son. Trust in God and never lose your faith in Him or I. I love you, my only real love, my only true love. Sweet dreams angel boy.

   

                                               Daddy's Tattoo For Dominic                                                                 Mommy's Plates For Dominic

 

 

Dominic's Very Own Business Card

 

 

Precious Moments Collection   Video

 

 

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